Fist Wars

What if every war had all conscientious objectors
Think about how funny it would be.
Refusal on moral or religious grounds to bear arms in a military conflict or to serve in the armed forces.
It would be wicked funny, just one massive fight club.
Think about it, wars with only fists?
Iraq... Instead of tanks, jets, missiles, big ol' punchin' fists! Americans telling the U.N. that they don't need their fists. We have enough fists. Then we tell the U.N. to go fist themselves.
This makes me think of Dave Chappelles hierarchy of the races. It starts with Whitey who can't really fight, name one good white fighter. So the majority of Americans are out. I can see a couple old grey haired white men trying to sip some tea and try to talk each other out of fighting. Then Blacks, they are a step up from the white man, except they rely way too much on guns and chicken. Imagine how they can jump and dancing around whitey. Next I would catergorize Indian people, not Native Americans but Indian Indians, like Raj Swamidass, [this whitey would kick his ass tho]. Indians are genious' but they aren't into fighting at all. I think that they could think their way out of fighting. Then the Spanish race would come in, if
they could stop humping long enough to fight, they would put up a pretty good fight. Their reproduction is a key element as well. Finally the Asians, they are a combo of Indians and Spanish. They know all that Kung Foo and shiz.
A film for the civil war would have been more like Green Street Hooligans, 2 huge mobs of white guys with a little color here and there. The out come would be interesting, I'm thinking that it would be a close fight. The rebs down south could fight way better but the union has some slaves to help them
out.
Who was it like Lincoln and... Grant? Lincoln would have owned Grant by Tyler Durdens defination "Big guy, big reach. Skinny guys fight 'til they're burger." Grant was probably fat, so that would make him slow also. Abe Lincoln had to have been a monster with his fists.
Vietnam we would have gotten merked!! Imagine all these little dudes popping out of gopher holes like those arcade games. Plus they are asianish I think so they have Kung Foo on their side. Instead of all the acid dropping crazed loons that came back, no one would have come back. I'm not even sure what the deal was over there.
There was enough Indian [native american] battles and wars. I don't really know how they could fight without bows and arrows and axes. We could have just gave them firewater and they would have killed themselves off. As for fighting i bet they were fast as balls, in their moccasins.
The Boxer revolution would have just been the same...
The banana wars, who knows...
WWI & WWII... thats a whole other story... Germany would have won in a second.
Any war with the French... France wouldn't exist now. I doubt that they could grasp the concept of punching, and smacking wouldn't quite cut it.
Naval battles would have been exactly like Pirates of the Carribean without the swords and cannons.
Think about the British Red Coats... Marching in their lines all proper-like and then the good guys come in from the woods and tall grass and just kick their asses.
Bin Laden would have got his old ass pwnd... Castro... maybe 20 years ago would have kicked some ass... Sadam... his mustache would really help him.
Haha as you can tell I'm not much into American History.